New parents looking to improve your relationship? Get more sleep!

Valentines Day is right around the corner, so there are hearts and little half naked babies everywhere!

Are you looking forward to a night filling with romance with your spouse, or just looking forward to getting a few hours of sleep to celebrate?

Is a lousy night of sleep the reason you aren't feeling super connected to your spouse? Is it hard to connect, focus on what they're saying or even care to look in their direction? Have they always chewed so loud, stood so close, and smelled that way?

A likely explanation is that your lack of sleep is making it impossible for you to react rationally to frustrating situations.

What Sleep Deprivation Leads To

Researchers from the University of Arizona released a study back in 2006 that showed parents who were deprived of sleep over a 55 hour period had:

*An increased tendency to blame others for problems                                                                                        *Reduced willingness to alleviate a conflict situation by accepting blame                                                        *Increased aggression                                                                                                                                             
*Lower willingness to behave in ways that facilitate effective social interaction

I'm sure this is common-sense, but it just speaks even more to what new parents experience.

So let’s imagine that you and your partner are the proud parents of a new baby. Your lives are undoubtedly blessed, but of course having a baby is a HUGE life change. You're required to make so many decisions a day, it can quickly get overwhelming!

And for every decision that has to be made, all caregivers need to come to some sort of an agreement that it’s the right way to go.

Just some decisions to think over before or right after baby is born include:

*What time should we put him to bed?                                                                                                                    
*What we do when he starts crying?                                                                                                                       
*Are we going to breastfeed? Are we able to?

All of these will be discussed (and tons more!) during the course of your babies first few months of life. And every one of them presents an opportunity for disagreement. At one time you may agree to something, but then realize down the road this no longer is working for one, both, or the whole family! Before you get to this point however, often in a sleep deprived state, your way to communicate it's not working to your partner could come out as less than nice. The stories my poor husband could tell you...

Consequences of Sleep Deprivation

Couples who don’t get enough sleep are less likely to show gratitude towards each other, and significantly more likely to feel unappreciated. And as though that’s not enough, consider the fact that lack of sleep decreases libido, which means you won’t be having sex as often, if at all. Some of the parents I’ve worked with have told me they’ve stopped having sex altogether, since one of them is sleeping on the couch, or sleeping next to baby. Spending quality time with your partner is the LAST thing on your mind.

Loads of couples get through this period in their lives with their partnership intact, and I’m not trying to suggest that sleep deprivation is going to be the end of your relationship. A baby who isn’t sleeping isn’t necessarily going to result in divorce, but I can say without reservation, it’s certainly not going to help.

But There Is Hope!

Babies are amazing, right? They are literally the cutest beings on Earth! What can possibly compare with those first few months standing over the crib together and looking down on that precious new life that the two of you brought into your lives? It’s the most romantic experience I can envision, and it’s a period in your life that deserves to be cherished. That’s not so easy to do if you and your partner are constantly fighting towards each other because neither of you are getting enough sleep.

There are so many reasons to make your little one’s sleep a priority when it comes to their well-being, but I’d ask you to take a selfish little detour for a moment and consider what it can mean for you, your partner, and your relationship. After all, if there’s one gift your kids always appreciate, it’s seeing their parents happy, united, and in love.

So before you commit to couples therapy, before you move to separate bedrooms, before you even get into one more heated argument over which route to take to daycare, try taking a week to commit to getting your little one sleeping through the night and see how you feel once you’re all getting the rest you need.

The results, I promise you, are nothing short of life changing.

And if you are needing support with that, I am here to help.