Have A Wandering Toddler At Bedtime? 3 Tips To Keep Your Toddler In Their Room
Will I ever Sleep Through The Night Again?
For many parents, getting their baby to sleep through the night is a life-changing event. I can't even describe to you how different my life was when I was able to start sleeping through the night again! Establishing a solid bedtime routine helped me get my life back!
Waking up every hour or two to the sounds of a crying baby wasn’t just an inconvenience. It was absolutely exhausting. I was constantly irritable, could not focus on work, barely able to think for myself, and, quite honestly, felt like I might be on the verge of a breakdown. The topic alone of bedtime stressed me out. I knew it would just be another repeat from the night before and I was already tired.
So, when I finally reached out for help with getting Baby O to sleep and he started to sleep 10-12 hours a night at bedtime without waking me at all, and got into a predictable rhythm with naps, I literally felt like I got my life back.
The Struggles of Wandering Toddlers at Bedtime
Even though Baby O isn't so much a baby anymore, and has learned to walk and talk, and more importantly, to test some boundaries, we have yet to get to the place where he can get up and leave his room. That poor kid will be in a crib until he is spilling out of the sides! Recently he has asked to have a "big boy bed" but only mentioned it in passing and didn't seem too invested in the idea though, so I know the time to transition him will be sooner rather than later.
A toddler leaving their bedroom may not sound too bad, but if it happens often enough, it can be every bit as hard on parents and children as constant night wakings. And toddlers can be incredibly persistent when they’re trying to get their way. The thing that makes this harder than sleep training a baby is that your little one, by this age, can talk back and try to negotiate with you to stretch out bedtime. Toddlers quickly learn exactly what to do and say to get a response from their parents. Especially if it has to go with going to the bathroom, as no one likes to clean pee sheets. We all test behaviors and actions to see what will happen. And when we find something that works, we tend to use it repeatedly.
So if asking for a glass of water gets a parent back into the room, or asking to use the bathroom is a sure-fire way to get out of the room, it's likely your child will ask for those things each night. But when you’re walking your child back to their room for the fifteenth time since you sat down to watch your favorite show or are trying to enjoy a couple of hours alone with your partner, it gets annoying. We all know yelling isn't the answer, and a simple "please stay in your room" just isn't cutting it. So what can you do?
1.Have Clear Boundaries
When implementing a bedtime routine, it's important to think ahead to anticipate what your child may need. If they often ask for a snack or to go to the bathroom after bedtime, ensure that is built into your routine already so you can remind them that they just ate/went to the bathroom. I also would recommend to allow one "pass" in case they do need to go again or really need one more sip of water. It's important to remind them that this is it and they cannot ask for anything else after that.
If your child leaves their room, ask them why they’re not in bed. Assuming the answer isn’t because they’re not feeling well, (which may not be true, but it may be so we always want to rule it out) then you can calmly but firmly tell them that they’re not allowed out of their room until morning.
Walk them back to bed, say your goodnight phrase, giving them a quick kiss, and let them know that there will be a consequence if they leave their room again. Hopefully, that does the trick. But knowing what I know about children and sleep, it most likely won't be.
So, the next time they show up at your side, saying that they forgot to tell you something, or they need more water, or that they can’t find their lovey, it’s time to implement that consequence. But... What’s the consequence? Lots of parents know that a consequence is needed, but aren't sure what to pick. You want something effective, but that won't totally upset them before bed. I totally understand that, but really, what is a consequence if it’s not something unpleasant? We want it to be something they don't enjoy so they will be less likely to get up again.
2. How To Create A Logical Consequence
The trick here is to find a balance between something that your child doesn’t mind and something that really throws them into a tailspin, because the end game is still for them to sleep. We’re just looking for something unpleasant enough to stop them coming out of their room. Understanding that every child is different and that nothing works for everyone, I do have a simple trick that I’ve found to be incredibly effective in this situation. It’s as simple as closing a door.
In fact, that’s the trick.
That's it! Close the bedroom door. There’s something about having the bedroom door closed all the way that toddlers really don't like. You don’t have to do it for long, just a minute for the first offense. Then bump it up by thirty seconds or so every time your toddler leaves their room that night.
This is a form of consequence and if your child doesn’t like it, that is the point! So if they cry a little, you’ll have to ride it out. If they try to open the door, you’re going to have to hold it closed. As frustrating as verbal protesting is, it's ok, but don’t give in! If you do, all you’re teaching them is to escalate their protesting to get their way, or else that’s going to make things significantly worse.
If your toddler already sleeps with the door closed, you can try taking away their lovey/stuffie/blanket on the same time pattern as you would with the door-closing technique. A minute the first time they leave the room, thirty seconds more if it happens again, and so on. Before too long, they should start to recognize the consequences of leaving their room. You'll even get to a point in which they’ll stay in bed unless they really need your help.
3. Early Morning Risers
If your child falls asleep well, you may be wondering "what about the morning?" No one likes being woken up by a little one standing next to the bed staring straight at you.
Chances are that they woke up and just didn’t know if it was time to get out of bed or not. If possible, I highly recommend the Hatch or the OK-To-Wake clock, or a similar one from Amazon. There are a large amount of clocks that do a similar thing, and range in price from about $25 to $50. Even using an old digital clock with the minutes covered can work!
The clock will shine a soft light color through the night, and another when it’s time to get up. Just stay away from any that shine a blue light, as it simulates sunlight. That blue light is known to stimulate cortisol production and make it tougher to get back to sleep.
Or, if you want to save your money, and your toddler knows their numbers, you can just get a digital clock and put some tape over the minutes, leaving just the hour showing. Tell them it’s not time to get up until they see the “magic seven” on the clock. Don’t set the alarm though. If they’re able to sleep past seven o’clock, you don’t want them waking up with a jolt with music blasting.
These are just a couple of options and they may not work with every toddler. You may have to try out a few different approaches before you find something that sticks. The only non-optional is consistency. You absolutely have to stick to the consequence once you’ve given the warning. It is only fair to your little one so they know exactly what the rules around sleep are. Be patient, be calm, but be firm and predictable. Once they realize that you’re not giving in,
you will be back to enjoying some much earned "me" time!
If you've tried these strategies and still need some bedtime support, I am happy to help! Get more information on getting sleep here!