Nervous About Having Baby Sleep At Grandparents House? Read These 5 Tips First!

Usually one of the first questions I ask parents when I start working with them is what they are most looking forward to once their baby is sleeping better. It helps them to visualize what life will be like in just a couple of weeks. That can be all it takes for their baby to sleep soundly through the night and to take long, restorative naps.

For most parents, the answer is right there in the question. They just want their baby to get the sleep they need to be happy and healthy. And they of course want the same for themselves. But once they’ve moved past the first few blissful mornings when they wake up realizing that their baby has slept through the night. And is still sleeping. They start to discover that a well-rested baby brings some additional benefits.

And number one among them is the ability to leave baby overnight with the grandparents, or other close family members.

Creating Memories

There’s something absolutely magical about sleepovers. Whether you’re a young kid spending the night at a friend’s house, the first time you and your partner sleep in the same bed, or the first time you stay in a hotel on your own, sleeping somewhere forges an emotional connection. For grandparents, having their grandchild sleep in their home is beyond special. It’s a reminder of their days as new parents! It's a chance to wrap themselves in all the family love that’s oozing when there’s a baby in the house.

For mom and dad, this is an opportunity to go out on a well-deserved date night! Even just having a quiet child-free home for a few hours can feel magical in a relationship. The majority of parents I work with haven’t enjoyed that luxury since the day they brought baby home from the hospital, whether that was 3 months ago or 3 years ago, so taking advantage of a reliable, enthusiastic, (and usually free!) overnight babysitter provides them with a chance to reconnect in a way they haven’t enjoyed for far too long. And myself included! Without the help of my parents I know my husband and I wouldn't have had the opportunity to do half the dinner and go to most of the weddings we have!

Groundwork and Preparations

However, there is some groundwork to be done here before you drop your little one off at your parents’ place. You’ve completed stage one, coach your baby, so now it’s time for stage two. Coach your parents. My mom always says "Wow I would have been your worst client, I didn't do any of these things with you when you were a baby", which makes us both laugh.

Now obviously, some grandparents are going to be completely awesome, wonderful, and fully compliant with whatever you tell them to do while watching their grandchild.

But not all of them.

Some grandparents have very entrenched views on parenting. After all, you’re living proof of their expertise and experience. It can be a bit of a balancing act to insist that your parents respect your little one’s schedule and sleeping arrangements while still respecting their role as experienced and awesome caregivers. So keep reading for a few tips on how to do exactly that. Your whole family, including those beloved members outside of your home, can benefit.

1. Respect Them As Additional Caregivers

Above all, remember that these are not rookies. They’re seasoned veterans who have been through everything you’re going through now. So even though you may need to establish some ground rules, don’t approach it the same way you would a teenage babysitter. Demonstrating confidence in their abilities will make it more likely that whatever rules you do lay down will be listened to. They may be just as nervous as you if they haven't taken care of a baby overnight in a long time, so approaching the situation gently and in a way that it informative over controlling will help. At the end of the day, everyone just wants to do right by baby.

2. Be Real and Honest

I see so many parents (myself included!) trying to play parenthood off as if they’ve got everything under control at all times. Even with their own parents. I mean, if anyone knows how tough raising a child is, it’s grandparents! This was a big mistake I made with my first son. I am consistently trying to be better now about asking for help. Don’t be shy to let them know how difficult it was/is to function when your baby was/is waking up every hour at night and how hard you’ve worked to remedy the situation. Understanding the emotional investment you’ve put into solving your little one’s sleep issues will help them feel a personal commitment to the routine. This will also make them way more likely to stick to the schedule and strategies you have listed once they really understand everything it took to get you to his point.

3. Explain How Sticking With The Plan Will Get Them More Grandbaby Time

Grandparents crave interaction with their grandkids. They just can't get enough of their grandkids. Not that anyone can blame them, of course. Smiles and giggles and burps from a baby are wonderful to anyone, but to that baby’s grandparents, they’re life changing. Because of this, they tend to want to keep baby awake for longer than they can often handle. (This is especially true in the case of newborns, who can typically only handle about 45 minutes to 1 hour of awake time before they need to go back down for a nap.) My favorite approach to this situation is to explain the importance of keeping baby on their schedule. If you explain that every time you pick baby up from their place, she’s cranky and overtired, you’re going to be reluctant to leave them overnight. If, on the other hand, she’s happy and rested every time you pick her up, you’re going to hand that baby over to them pretty much any time they’re willing to watch her, resulting in much more time spent with her overall.

4. Share Your Experience

This goes hand in hand with tip #2. If you’ve already got your baby sleeping well at night and napping well during the day, then you know what a difference it makes to their personality. They are happier, more playful, and much more able to tolerate any frustrations that may come. Baby O was like a whole different little man once we got him sleeping well overnight! Parenting was WAY more enjoyable when he was basically always in a good mood. It may sound crazy, but I'm sure you can relate that you like being around your baby so much more when they are well rested. So make sure you let your parents or in-laws know how much more enjoyable their whole day and night with their grandchild. Sticking to a schedule impacts more than just their sleep pattern. Making ultimatums around bedtime and nap schedules is much less effective than appealing to their caring, nurturing sides.

5. Equate Sleeping With Feeding

If there’s one thing most grandparents don't want to happen, it’s a hungry baby. The average grandmother doesn't want anyone to be hungry, but when it comes to babies, they’ll move heaven and earth to make sure that child in their care is properly fed. Putting sleep on par with feeding priority-wise can help ensure that the same level of dedication gets devoted to getting baby down for naps and into bed on time. When you’re going over your typical schedule, try to avoid getting into all the tiny details. Simply stress how important those two things are when they’re taking care of their grandchild.

Things Won't Always Go According to Plan

One last thing because I think it’s super important, there’s a good chance your parents might end up being guilty of not totally following the plan left for them. If baby wakes up at night and cries, for example, they might respond immediately and feed them back to sleep. Or they might allow your toddler to sleep in their bed with them. They may hold them and rock them to sleep at bedtime. Once when my husband and I were away for a wedding, my mom let Baby O play musical beds. She spent all night moving between his bed and hers. This is a kid that NEVER leaves his room overnight normally. But he took the chance and she fell into the trap!

That can cause some serious anxiety for a parent who’s invested a whole lot of time, effort, and emotional work into breaking those sleep associations. However, I want to reassure you that there’s typically no need to panic and call off any future sleepovers. Babies, even newborns, are surprisingly adept at recognizing different sleeping environments and understanding the rules in them. Getting rocked to sleep at grandma’s place doesn’t mean that they’re going to expect that when you get them home. If they’ve developed some strong independent sleep skills, they’ll be back to normal pretty much immediately.

So don’t lose your mind if your mom tells you she let baby fall asleep on her chest. A gentle suggestion that she not do it all the time. Combined with the understanding that you know how hard it is to resist a baby falling asleep on you, should be all that’s needed. But if you all goes wrong and you need some help to get back on track, you can find me here!