Are You Ready To Ditch Your Baby’s Pacifier?

Before I dive into the good stuff, just let me say that I am not anti-pacifier! I know that there are some sleep consultants that recommend removing them. After all, they are a sleep prop and do interrupt sleep. But being a mom and having two of my three children love their pacifiers, I know how much good they can do!

I personally have avoided a few meltdowns and gotten some great naps on the go with the assistance of the pacifier. It's also great if your little one missed their sleep window by a little bit and were getting a bit cranky, or got an unexpected bump on the head. Once the pacifier goes in, like magic, tears can be stopped.

Beyond preventing tantrums, the AAP found that pacifiers can reduce the risk of SIDS. Given that very important consideration, the following strategies are based on your baby being over a year old. That doesn’t mean this doesn't apply if your little one’s younger than that, just make sure you’ve carefully considered the pros and cons of taking away the pacifier before you make a decision. Often between 0 and 4 months if you find you are often replacing the pacifier (2+ times a night), then it may be best to remove it from the sleep situation and help assist with learning other soothing skills. Once children are able to reach and replace their pacifier on their own it typically becomes less of a problem for parents needing to intervene.

From a sleep expert’s point of view pacifiers can become a problem when it comes to sleep. If baby’s accustomed to falling asleep with a pacifier in, they almost always end up waking up in the night after it’s fallen out. Since they are not motorically able to find and replace it, they will get upset until a parent gets up, finds it, and pops it back in their mouth.

Why can’t baby just fall asleep with a pacifier in and then peacefully sleep through the night?

Sleep, for babies and adults alike, comes in cycles. Without much sleep knowledge it may seem like we fall asleep at the start of the night, go into a deeper sleep as the night goes on, then gradually come out of it as the morning rolls around. While we do go from light sleep to deep sleep and then back again, but it happens several times a night, depending on how long you sleep for. For adults, a full cycle typically takes somewhere between 90 and 120 minutes. For a baby, it’s closer to 50 and 75 minutes.

If your baby won’t go to sleep at bedtime without a pacifier, then there’s a possibility that they’re reliant on it too heavily to get to sleep independently. When they get to the end of a sleep cycle, and into that very light stage of sleep where they may actually wake up. Because they’re still tired, but they might have trouble getting back to sleep because they need the pacifier re-inserted as it was when they initially fell asleep.  And if they can’t find it, or they haven’t figured out how to put it in on their own yet, they’re going to get upset because they can’t get back to sleep.

This is why most consultants would call a pacifier a “sleep prop.” Other's include feeding, rocking, or a combination of a bunch of things. Really a sleep prop is something that baby relies on in order to get to sleep that requires assistance from someone else.  More than anything, that’s the secret to sleeping through the night. Removing all sleep props will help your little one sleep peacefully from the time you put them to bed until they wake up, happy and refreshed, in the morning.

This is Me!

So if you’re thinking, “That’s IT! That’s exactly what’s happening!” then depending on your child's age removing it may be best. While it may seem overwhelming, don't worry! You’re ready to ditch the pacifier and I’ve got a few tips to get you through the process as quickly and peacefully as possible. When it comes to breaking bad habits, typically it's a 'rip the Baid-aid of' situation. Toddlers do better with absolutes than they do with moderation and knowing exactly where the limits are.

I typically recommend picking a day to make the change (no day will ever be the perfect time!), explain it to your little one, and then follow through with your method of removing them. Toddlers can often adjust to new situations remarkably easily so long as things are clear and consistent, so don’t save one for emergencies or just-in-case scenarios, because it will be too easy for you to fall back on the pacifier to get a quick solution if your baby is having trouble sleeping, and then you’re just causing confusion.

We're Ready To Remove The Pacifier, But How?

Now that you’ve explained the situation to your toddler, signed a mental contract with yourself that you’re not going to do it by half measures, and are ready to go all-in. What’s next?

Now’s the time to flex those creative muscles and come up with a plan. How are you going to spin this change in a positive way? Toddlers typically embrace the idea of growing into “big kids,” so marking it as a milestone can be a big help. Make sure to present the change as a very exciting and positive occasion.

One popular method is by introduction the “Pacifier Fairy,’ by telling your toddler that the Pacifier Fairy is coming to collect all of their pacifiers and, in exchange, is going to leave them a special surprise. Very similar to the tooth fairy they will know when they are older, just with pacifiers. You know your child best, so you will know which present would be something they would be excited about, but also be something they are use for comfort at bedtime to replace their pacifier.

You can do something similar with giving the pacifier to a baby that does not live in your house. Or by placing the pacifiers into a build-a-bear that is sewn up with the pacifiers safely inside.

Word Of Caution:

I’ve seen a lot of situations where parents with a toddler and a newborn or younger sibling in the house will give the older baby’s pacifiers to the younger one. This seems like a good idea, but it can create some resentment from your toddler. Just think how you would feel if you saw your younger sibling using your prized possession. If you’re able to, get rid of your toddler’s pacifiers and get different ones for the younger child. If you are looking for adjustments to help when a new sibling arrives, I talk more about it here!

And It's Gone...

Now that the pacifiers are officially gone, do expect a little bit of push back. Especially if you waited to make the transition with a toddler. There will be a transition period while they are figuring out their new way to comfort themselves, so just know this is part of the process. When that pushback hits my advice is distract them. Remind them of what/where their pacifiers now are. Then redirect them to a new comfort item or remind them of something else they can do/use.
You can acknowledge their frustration, and offer them as much comfort, but don’t apologize or give in. Remember that if you’ve decided that the pacifier is a thing of the past, that’s the way it is. Giving them a pacifier at this stage is only going to reinforce the idea that crying or fussing is an effective tool for getting their way.

Every toddler is obviously a unique individual, so use these guidelines in conjunction with your intuition, and within a few nights, maybe a week at the outside, your little one should be b-free, and your whole family should be enjoying the benefits of those glorious, sleep-filled nights. But if not, you know where to find me!